9 Things I Have Learned In 9 Years Of Marriage

December 1st of 2015 marks 9 years that I have been with my husband. It seems like just yesterday we were 2 crazy kids who didn’t understand a single thing about life.

We met through mutual friendsin high school and after a few months of begging asking, I finally said “yes” to making it “official.” This was before Facebook by-the-way… so we were “Myspace-Official” 😉

And then I blinked.

Fast forward 9 years and 1 beautiful baby boy later and you could say I have learned a thing or two about relationships. Somehow, despite all odds we can stand strong together and can proudly say “we made it.”

Chelsea Shoots People hubby patrick

Here are 9 things I have learned about Marriage in 9 Years…

  1. A piece of paper does not solidify a relationship. Confession Time! So… We are not legally married. *gasp* It may not be the “right” way, but it is our way and I stand by our decision. (We have documentation in place to protect us in case of emergency.) We may jump the broom and “seal the deal” one day, but for now, we are happy with the way things are. As far as anyone is concerned he is my husband and that is that. 🙂
  2. Relationships are NOT 50/50. In a 50/50 scenario, each party tends to place blame on the “other half” when there are problems in their relationship. I admit to doing this myself many times. We are learning that each person should be responsible and accountable 100% of the time. When a problem arises, you should reflect on your own actions before blaming your partner because in the end, you are the one who controls your emotions.
  3. There will be not-so-fun times. Between work, kids, household chores, running errands, car trouble and everything else in-between, there will be times you will want to call it quits. You may even say something in the heat of the moment that you don’t really mean. Something that I do anytime we go through one of our “moments” is simply step away from the situation, take a few deep breaths and think to myself “how would I feel if he packed up all his stuff and walked out the door right now?” When I do this, I have to be very, very honest with myself. When I realize that in the end, I don’t actually want him to leave, I find myself in a better place to have a productive conversation, versus acting on impulse and pure emotion.
  4. Someone who speaks to you is more important than someone that talks to you. Call me weird but I loathe small talk. I much prefer deeper, meaningful conversations with people where I can connect with them on a deeper level. A recent example of this would be a few days ago when it seemed like the world was out to get me. I had a rough week and started feeling very down on myself even after all of the hard work and personal development I have been doing. Without missing a beat, he put one hand on each of my shoulders,  looked me straight in the eyes and said “you are invincible.” That was all it took for clarity and for me to  finally get my mindset right where it needed to be. Someone who speaks to my soul means so much more to me than someone who talks and talks but doesn’t really say much.
  5. Loyalty is everything. Seriously. If you do not have each others back 1000%, it just won’t work.. We each make mistakes. We are human. But we do not hold it against each other. That’s not to say you have to be happy with every decision your significant other makes. You don’t even have to be nice about it. I know that no matter what happens, I can ALWAYS count on him to be there for me. I never have to worry that he would leave me stranded.
  6. I am bossy. Being in a long-term relationship, where I feel “safe” in doing the things you save ‘til after you have the ring (like not shaving your legs in recent memory) allows me to feel free and more of my true self begins to show. And boy, am I bossy. I guess it helps that he is so laid back and patient with me. He understands I am a creative spirit and never tries to come between me and the things I love like makeup, blogging, photography, and Disney Pandora ♥.
  7. Communication is a must. At first, I almost didn’t add this one because it is so cliche. However, there is a reason it is so cliche. It is the truth. The thing about communication is that it is not about talking about every little thing. There are plenty of things that we do not talk about. Sometimes the most powerful thing to say before an uncomfortable conversation is “I’m sorry, I know I am being over emotional right now.” We are all human and there will be times that we make mistakes or say things we shouldn’t. But there is never a time where we can’t at least talk about it afterwards when cooler heads prevail.
  8. Everyone else thinks they know what is best for your relationship. This one has peeked it’s little head in many times before. Most of the time, the “advice” we receive is given with good intentions and we take it with a grain of salt. Then, there are the people who straight up say things like “I wouldn’t let (insert annoying behavior here) happen in MY relationship.” Okay. At least HALF of the time I receive this unsolicited advice, the wise advisor is either in a broken relationship or not one at all. Moral of the story: advice is like well, you know… everyone has some.
  9. Laughing is the best thing to do together. This guy is seriously funny. Our humor is weirdly identical, probably because we were born only 15 days and 100 miles apart. No matter what we are doing there is always something fun we can turn it into. He picks on my 24/7 which usually drive me absolutely nuts! But honestly, I NEED that laugh after a long day of working, cooking, cleaning and taking care of Aidan.

 

Chelsea Shoots People Maternity

Of all of the ways I could have spent the last 9 years, I can honestly say that I would not change a single thing. I believe that I have found the 1 person who I should be with for the rest of my time here.

Are you in a long term relationship? How have you made it work so long? I would love to hear about it!

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