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- 1 In September of 2016, I lost everything.
- 2 WHAT?! ME?? Over. The. Moon.
- 3 Was it FINALLY MY TURN?
- 4 So, there I was, staring at a rejection email feeling conflicted about how I should even be feeling.
In September of 2016, I lost everything.
It was a series of unfortunate events that led up to this particular day of total loss. Literally. No job. Nowhere to call home. Nowhere to go.
But at the same time, I had everything. When I looked around at what my life had become, it was like an instant spark. I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.
Everything before this moment had been leading up to it. And it was for my own good.
See, ever since I was small, I have been a rebel in spirit. I am a stubborn Taurus and only feel fulfilled when things are done MY way. I have learned along my journey the power of letting go, but it is a deep-rooted safe space for me.
I have always known that I would not be satisfied with just “average” nor would my soul burn with passion while working for someone else. Failed attempt after failed attempt ultimately left me looking around wondering what exactly I had done wrong. I mean, there were things I could remain grateful for. My son and husband who are the lights of my life have always been my biggest fans and number one supporters. My mom has also been there for me to lean on and catch me whenever I begin to fall.
But that wasn’t enough for me.
I didn’t want to feel helpless anymore. I felt this deep, burning desire to help others, yet how the hell am I supposed to do that if I can’t even take care of myself? There was the problem: I WASN’T taking care of myself. I allowed my inner critic to beat me down every single time right before the finish line. But I was determined to not let ME get in my own way.
So I reached out for help.
With my tail between my legs, I shifted some of the weight off of my shoulders and distributed it to anyone willing to lend a hand.
Mr. H took on more labor-type work to fill in the gaps. My mom provided a place to stay grounded, where I could always return when I was lost. My best friends became a judgement-free shoulder to cry on and sounding board… they never once allowed me to pity myself.
After a few months, I finally caught my breath.
As it does when you start to reveal that you are ready to receive through your actions- the Universe delivers in a BIG way.
I got an email (after not checking my Emails in WEEKS…. having no internet and all…) from Todd Herman that he was looking for a new member to add to his team. I instantly knew I HAD to apply, so I read through the instructions carefully, ensuring I didn’t miss a single detail. This was it!
The original application took me somewhere around 3 hours to complete. 2 of those hours were spent agonizing over the fact that I had to BE ON CAMERA to send a 60-second video in about “Lil ol’ me.”
Originally, I had a plan to wake up, put on make-up (it was about 7 pm at this point) to get mentally prepared and film something that I would spend all night carefully crafting. Instead, I threw up my hair, slapped on some eyeliner and held my breath.
I KNEW it was now or never.
I WANTED to turn it in well before the last minute.
I NEEDED to just get it over with.
So I did.
I honestly kinda forgot about it for a day or two. Not exactly thinking I wouldn’t hear back- I mean, it’s TODD HERMAN, so I am sure he has droves of amazing and super-overqualified people who would KILL to have the honor of working for him. (He is that awesome!) And his program, The 90 day year has changed the lives of hundreds (if not thousands) of entrepreneurs by helping them reshape their business and personal performance.
But I DID hear back!!
WHAT?! ME?? Over. The. Moon.
The next step involved a “mini-project.” This project basically measured typing speed (I type over 80 WPM depending on how much caffeine I have had,) my ability to handle a phone call welcoming a new member to the program and tested my creativity by challenging me to create a system during the welcoming and onboarding process that would ensure new clients had a great experience.
This step took me about 5 hours to complete from the time I received the email until the time I emailed my response. I created a “mock phone call” and used Mr. H as the client’s voice. I even added subtitles! 🙂
Apparently, the extra time I spent on the little details made me stand out because, once again, I received another email alerting me that I had advanced to the next round of the interview process. Woo-freakin-Hoo!!!!
I got a call from one of his employees and we chatted for a few hours. She was so helpful and held an informal phone interview to get to know me a little better. We chatted about our projects, the program, and next steps. She let me know that Todd loved some of my ideas and would probably be calling me soon to chat.
The very next day after her call, Todd Herman called me. At my house. On my phone. And it was empowering! He really, truly knows his stuff- no bullshit. I have witnessed first-hand his role as being personally responsible for literally changing the direction of the lives of so many people I know.
Was it FINALLY MY TURN?
We ended the call after he gave me a quick task to implement and then I received another email:
This time was a little different. I was sent a link to take the Kolbe A Index assessment. The Kolbe A Index is designed to measure the conative faculty of the mind — the actions you take that result from your natural instincts and is the foundational instrument used in Kolbe reports. It validates an individual’s natural talents, the instinctive method of operation (M.O.) that enables you to be productive.
SWEET! I worried the test was going to measure my intelligence in a certain area. But a test about my strengths?
What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
Apparently… a lot because I failed the personality test. My results were “inconclusive during a time of transition.”
What that basically means is that after spending ALL THIS TIME throughout the interview process (several weeks at this point) and going ABOVE and BEYOND to shine and standout, this poor guy just paid 50 bucks for me to fail… a personality test.
I was instantly bummed. I had a little pity party for myself and cried to Mr. H. At that point, I could only just look at myself in the mirror and go “what are you doing??”
That’s not to say the test was wrong. It was totally accurate!
I WAS in transition. Not even 2 months prior I was sitting in a motel room after my van blew up and I was laid off from work 2 months later which then led to an eviction notice on my door. The funny thing is… we had the money to pay the rent. But the new landlord never even came and got it. We just got a notice on the door. Then, faced with a decision of A.) staying in a cramped 2-bedroom across the street from drug dealers who were involved in gang activity or B.) leaving it all behind and starting over, we decided to put our tail between or legs and move no matter how hard it was.
I was transitioning from my old life of lack, struggle, fear, and scarcity. To my new life of abundance, love, gratitude and empowerment. This test confirmed everything. That I was in NO place to be labeled by a specific score when there was still inner work to be done. I could not stand in my true power while still allowing myself to be weighed down by my past.
It was a little bittersweet when I received the final email. The one letting me down gently with a personal video by Todd to the last of us who unfortunately did not make the cut. He let us down gently and professionally and made me feel even better about getting rejected. He was also so kind as to send us links to other entrepreneurs he knew of in his network that may be looking to add new members to their team. The thoughtful gesture blew me away!
So, there I was, staring at a rejection email feeling conflicted about how I should even be feeling.
I mean, I spent SO MUCH time and energy that would have been better served to do other things (like not getting rejected.) Could anyone blame me for spiraling into self-sabotage? Yep.
It was a moment of realization that my whole life I had been running away from “jobs” and the limits often placed on me by authority figures.
I rejected working a normal 9-to-5 so much that every waking minute that I wasn’t working my 9-to-5 or spending time with Aidan, I was either filling my mind with knowledge or implementing things I had learned. Escape was my goal- from the trap of working for anyone but ME.
So why THEN did I not only put ALL of this effort into applying for a position working for someone else? No matter how AMAZING that someone else is (just Google his name…) he is STILL not ME. Having been rejected by Todd Herman was one of the best things that have happened to me because it proved to me that I can do whatever I set my mind to and that I have the ability to shine on my own. I learned a ton throughout the interview process that is invaluable to me going forward as I grow and build my team. I realize now that I will only be truly fulfilled when I am the driving force behind every single action I take. To truly empower and uplift others I need to harness my own personal power and not rely on a boss to tell me what to do.
So here I go, on my mission to empower those who need this message the most and if I have to do it 1 human at a time- that is what I will do.
But enough about me, what about you?
When was the last time not getting what you want actually forced you to accept everything you actually need?